Turning Down A Friend That Wants To Be A Vendor

You're going over your wedding budget, wondering how to make everything fit, and you're interrupted by a phone call. It's your friend, bursting with excitement because she just bought a fancy camera and wants to try it out on your wedding photography. Maybe it's your uncle, who's going to DJ the reception with all of his "favorites". Or maybe it's your mother's friend who really does make wedding cakes for a living, and is offering to bake yours for half price.

When your budget is stretched so thin it's bursting at the seams, it's awfully tempting to grab free services anywhere you can. But sometimes the discount isn't worth the price you'll ultimately pay. When tensions are running high and perfection is the goal, wedding disagreements can be the end of friendships and the start of family feuds.

How would you feel if the photos were all a little bit out of focus? If the vegetarian dish was mostly chicken? If the cake showed up two hours late? If the officiant cracked jokes throughout your vows? Unless you're willing to accept any result with a smile, turning down your friends' and family members' offers is your best bet. The only trick is doing so graciously.

The best way to deliver a rejection is to put it in positive terms. You may not want your childhood friend baking your wedding cake because you know her skills haven't improved much since making playground mud-pies. However, if you explain how acting as a vendor will take away from her experience of your wedding, you'll be on solid ground. After all, no one wants to be distracted on such an important day.

Compliment your friendship foremost. Tell your friend that you want her attending your wedding as herself, not as the florist, the photographer, or the dishwasher. If she attends in a professional capacity, she'll just be rushing around all night worrying about details–and you want her there as an honored guest, instead. Let your friend know that you wouldn’t hear of her lifting a single finger on your wedding's behalf. You don't want anyone so important missing any of the action. The biggest gift she could give to you is to be an enthusiastic part of your celebration.

Protecting the Relationship

The most compelling argument of all is also the best reason for not hiring a friend or family member as a wedding vendor. What if you don’t like the end result? While you could demand a refund from a professional, leave them a scathing review, or in the worst-case scenario, take them to court, you have no options when it comes to a vendor you know personally. Tell your friend that, while you have the utmost confidence in their talent and skill, you simply don’t want to take the chance that something could go wrong. You don’t want to ever find yourself in the position of choosing between your wedding and your friendship. For that reason, you'd feel best if your friend came as the honored guest she is.

Valentine's Day Your Way

While J.Lo made it clear years ago that love don’t cost a thing, it’s easy to let costs slip away when you’re trying to please the one you love.

DIY gifts are often much more heartfelt (not to mention cheaper), and if you throw yourself into it, you may end up enjoying the process. Feeling confident? Take it one step further and make a rule that your gifts must be created using items already in the house.

Put your learning skills to the test and knit that scarf you’ve always envisioned. Whip up a fancy dessert or a signature cocktail for you and your fiancé. Wrangle a friend into shooting a boudoir session as a super sexy surprise. When all else fails, you can never go wrong with a mix tape (just try to make it physical; handing someone your computer to browse through their personalized playlist doesn’t exactly have romance written all over it).

If you don’t have the time to dedicate to a craft, plan a DIY date. Pack your favorite nosh, a picnic blanket and create a park-like setting in your home. Take refuge at the most romantic spot in town and watch the sun set (or rise!). Don’t forget the sexiest DIY gift of all–chocolate-covered strawberries.

Set Your Own Schedule

Just because Valentine’s Day falls on February 14 doesn’t mean you’re obligated to celebrate that very day. Swamped with dress fittings or venue tours? Put Valentine’s Day on hold and pencil it in the following weekend, when your schedule is wide open.

Postponing your romantic holiday will not only heighten your anticipation, but also lighten your wallet and stress. Planning an overnight trip or trying a new restaurant will be more affordable, easier, and less crowded if you aim for a date other than February 14.

To get the most out of it, consider Valentine’s Days. Devote an entire day to your "LOVE", planning his/her favorite activities and showering them with love, instead of presents, all day long. Foot rubs, home-cooked meals, a bubble bath, a mid-afternoon nap–whatever your honey’s heart desires. Switch roles the next day and allow yourself to be pampered. While planning your respective days, remember: secrecy can be sexy!

 

Using "Other" Vendors As Your Wedding Coordinator

Lately, I've begun to see virtually every type of wedding vendor there is, putting themselves out there to Brides as "Day-of Coordinators". Florists, DJs, facility coordinators, caterers; you get the idea. I've come to the conclusion the main issue involved is: Explaining what is a wedding planner/ professional (what do we actually do), and the term "Day-of Coordinator".

Wedding Professionals provide a service. Can you do this yourself? Maybe, just as you can change your own oil, do your own taxes, and cut your own hair. Chances are, you'd probably hire a professional to do these things for you, as you are not an expert. What we do is provide you with the experience and expertise of doing this one thing well, over and over again. That is the very nature of hiring a professional in the my service industry.

We understand that in this economy, couples may have smaller budgets and vendors feels a need to make additional income, but not at the expense of the client that hired them to do a specific job. Will your florist-coordinator be able to deal with last minute changes to your guest list, vendor cancellations or other last-minute changes that frequently happen the week of the wedding when they need to be at the floral warehouse, processing flowers and creating your floral designs? Will your off-premise caterer, facility coordinator, florist or DJ "coordinator" know that your (hair/makeup stylist, photographer, or limo) hasn’t arrived at your hotel on time? And if you, as the client, are the one to let them know, what would they do, considering that they have their "own" job to do. How will your "DJ-planner" or "florist-planner" handle overseeing other vendors’ load-in and set-up when they have their own set-up to perform? What happens when all of your vendors arrive at the curb at the same time to unload and there is only parking for two cars? Having an assistant is not the answer. Bringing in a professional wedding coordinator is the answer. As we are hired to oversee the entire event, that is our job. We represent only the client’s best interest.


Affairs Remembered will coordinate every aspect of your wedding, beginning with an introductory meeting for us to get to know one another and discuss your wedding vision. From there, we will develop a long range timeline, work with you to create a wedding budget, provide referrals to the most appropriate vendors in your budget range and set up and accompany you on appointments, assist in menu selection, advise on floral and reception design, review vendor contracts, and develop ceremony and reception logistics and floor plans. For your wedding day, we will develop a meticulously detailed timeline that will be distributed to all vendors and the wedding party. We will coordinate your rehearsal and provide complete wedding day coordination and supervision, making sure that everything runs smoothly.

We are here months in advance of your wedding day to field endless phone calls and emails about your wedding. And this list is by no means exhaustive. But most importantly throughout the whole process–we are coordinating all the small details, while looking at the big picture. Unlike all of your other vendors who are focused in on their one service or product, we are looking at the entire day. This is where the issue of other vendors acting as "planners" comes in. Will your florist or DJ do all of these things for you?

My venue has a site coordinator. Do I need someone else?

Most wedding venues, banquet facilities and hotels have staff, which in addition to other duties, also act as on-site coordinators. Their main concern is making sure their property is taken care of. While most are extremely professional and experienced, their main priority is their venue. Their job relates to your particular event, their venue, contracts, BEOS and regulations. Their job is not to help you with other vendors or design in the months leading that lead up to your event.

My caterer is very helpful. Why do I need you?

An off-premise caterer is a caterer that prepares and serves food at a location away from the caterer’s food production facility. Typically, off-premise catering managers have the job of overseeing the details that are directly related to their own setup, staff, food and beverage. It is not in their job description to confirm your vendors, run your rehearsal, oversee the vendors on your wedding day, cue you down the aisle at your ceremony, create a timeline that deals with issues outside of food and beverage, or make sure all of the day’s events are running according to schedule. Furthermore, the catering manager typically leaves once the meal service has begun.

The term "Day-of Coordinator"

A wedding is an orchestrated event with many moving parts, similar to a symphony. Would a symphony conductor walk in to a performance without knowing the the music and or the musicians? Every couple deserves a wedding professional and many recognize the exceptional value of having one. However, because of current terminology, some couples anticipate hiring someone just for the day of the wedding. The “Day-of Coordinator” doesn't actually exist. A TRUE professional will not "just show up" on your wedding day to coordinate the work of vendors they know nothing about without being prepared. No couple wants someone to walk in and pretend to run the show with no prior knowledge of their wedding or preparation! Most professional planners offer a "Day-of" or "Coordination" only service, in addition to their full and partial planning services, but take a closer look and you'll see that this service is a package, in it's own right. For the D.I.Y. bride or the couple who's budget does not allow contracting a full or partial planning package, I HIGHLY recommend this mini package. The only way a planner can successfully execute a client’s wedding is to fully understand their vision and what they have contracted with their team of vendors.

Believe it or not, pre-planning is required  for that "Day-of Coordination". Review of all of your vendor contracts for the services and products provided. Reviewing the arrival/set up/strike times, timelines, production schedules, venue logistics, final venue walkthrough, and the on-site coordination of the rehearsal and wedding day. This generally amounts to a total of 30-45 hours, inclusive of your wedding day, for any experienced professional.

So while you're making that list of Needs vs Wants, you just may want to move a PROFESSIONAL planner, back over into the "Needs" column.

IT'S KWANZAA!!

Kwanzaa Dates (2011 of the following dates)
Dec. 26-Jan. 1

This year, the African American holiday celebrated from December 26 to January 1. It is estimated that some 18 million African Americans take part in Kwanzaa.

Kwanzaa is not a religious holiday, nor is it meant to replace Christmas. It was created by a professor of Black Studies, in 1966 who sought to design a celebration that would honor the values of ancient African cultures and inspire African Americans who were working for progress.

The Seven Principles (Nguzo Saba)
Each of the seven days of Kwanzaa honors a different principle. These principles are believed to have been key to building strong, productive families and communities in Africa. During Kwanzaa, celebrants greet each other with "Habari gani," or "What's the news?" The principles of Kwanzaa form the answers.

The Principles of Kwanzaa
umoja (oo-MOH-ja)
Meaning: unity
Action: building a community that holds together
kujichagulia (koo-jee-cha-goo-LEE-yah)
Meaning: self-determination
Action: speaking for yourself and making choices that benefit the community
ujima (oo-JEE-mah)
Meaning: collective work and responsibility
Action: helping others within the community
ujamaa (oo-JAH-ma)
Meaning: cooperative economics
Action: supporting businesses that care about the community
nia (nee-AH)
Meaning: a sense of purpose
Action: setting goals that benefit the community
kuumba (koo-OOM-bah)
Meaning: creativity
Action: making the community better and more beautiful
imani (ee-MAH-nee)
Meaning: faith
Action: believing that a better world can be created for communities now and in the future

Families gather for the great feast of karamu on December 31. Karamu may be held at a home, community center, or church. Celebrants enjoy traditional African dishes as well as those featuring ingredients Africans brought to the United States, such as sesame seeds (benne), peanuts (groundnuts), sweet potatoes, collard greens, and spicy sauces.

Colorful Celebrations
Celebrants decorate with red~for the blood that is shed in the struggle for freedom, black~for the color of the people, and green~for the fertile land of Africa, as well as African-style textiles and art. At the heart of Kwanzaa imagery, however, are the seven symbols.

The Seven Symbols of Kwanzaa
kikombe cha umoja
Meaning: the unity cup
Action: Celebrants drink from this cup in honor of their African ancestors. Before drinking, each person says "harambee," or "let's pull together."
kinara
Meaning: the candleholder, which holds seven candles
Action: It said to symbolize stalks of corn that branch off to form new stalks, much as the human family is created.
mazao
Meaning: fruits, nuts, and vegetables
Action: These remind celebrants of the harvest fruits that nourished the people of Africa.
mishumaa saba
Meaning: the seven candles that represent the seven principles
Action: A different candle is lit each day. Three candles on the left are green; three on the right are red; and in the middle is a black candle.
mkeka
Meaning: mat
Action: The symbols of Kwanzaa are arranged on the mkeka, which may be made of straw or African cloth. It symbolizes the foundation upon which communities are built.
vibunzi (plural, muhindi)
Meaning: ear of corn
Action: Traditionally, one ear of corn is placed on the mkeka for each child present.
zawadi
Meaning: gifts
Action: Traditionally, educational and cultural gifts are given to children on January 1, the last day of Kwanzaa.

SEASONS GREETINGS

"To a joyful present and a well remembered past. Best wishes for Happy Holidays and a spectacular New Year!"

from the Design Team at Affairs Remembered Event Management & Design

In observance of the Winter Holiday Season, Affairs Remembered's administrative office will close at 3:00pm on Friday, December 23, 2011 and remain closed until Monday, January 2, 2012. All correspondences will be returned promptly on Monday, January 2, 2012.

HAPPY HANUKKAH

"As you light the Hanukkah candles, may your faith be renewed and tradition preserved. May the season bring peace to your heart."

Happy Hanukkah, from the Design Team at Affairs Remembered Event Management

Hanukkah Dates (from sundown to sundown of the following dates)
2011 Dec. 20-Dec. 28

Hanukkah, the "Festival of Lights," starts on the 25th day of the Jewish calendar month of Kislev and lasts for eight days and nights. This year, Hanukkah begins at sundown on December 20th. With blessings, games, and festive foods, Hanukkah celebrates the triumphs--both religious and military--of ancient Jewish heroes.

Hanukkah is a relatively minor holiday in the Jewish year. In the United States, however, its closeness to Christmas has brought greater attention to Hanukkah and its gift-giving tradition. Amid the ever-growing flood of Christmas advertising, it may seem especially fitting that the Hanukkah story tells of Jewish culture surviving in a non-Jewish world.


The Menorah:
The menorah symbolizes the burning light in the temple, as well as marking the eight days of the Hanukkah festival. The lighting of the menorah, known in Hebrew as the hanukiya, is the most important Hanukkah tradition. A menorah is a candlestand with nine branches. Usually eight candles - one for each day of Hanukka - are of the same height, with a taller one in the middle, the shamash ("servant"), which is used to light the others. Each evening of Hanukkah, one more candle is lit, with a special blessing.

The Dreidel:
Long a favorite Hanukkah toy, the dreidel once had a serious purpose. When the Syrians forbid study of the Torah, Jews who studied in secret kept spinning tops "sivivons, or dreidels"on hand. This way, if they were found studying, they could quickly pretend that they had only been playing. The Hebrew letters also represent Yiddish words that tell how to play the dreidel game. Each player starts with the same amount of candies, chocolate coins (gelt), or other tokens, and puts one in a pot. Players take turns spinning the dreidel, waiting to see which letter lands face up. Nun is for "nisht," do nothing. Gimel is for "gants," take the whole pot. Hay is for "halb," take half. Shin is for "shtel," add to the pot. The game ends when a single player wins all the tokens.

Hanukkah Foods:
Many traditional Hanukkah foods are cooked in oil, in remembrance of the oil that burned in the temple. In the United States, the most widespread Hanukkah food is latkes, or potato pancakes, a custom that may have developed in Eastern Europe. In Israel, the favorite Hanukkah food is sufganiya, a kind of jelly donut cooked in oil. Israelis eat sufganiyot for more than a month before the start of Hanukkah. Eating dairy products, especially cheese, is another Hanukkah tradition. This is done in memory of the Jewish heroine Judith, who according to legend saved her village from Syrian attackers. Judith fed wine and cheese to the Syrian general Holofernes until he became so drunk that he fell to the ground. She then seized his sword and cut off his head, which she brought back to her village in a basket. The next morning, Syrian troops found the headless body of their leader and fled in terror.

WHY NOT A CHRISTMAS WEDDING?

It's the most wonderful time of the year, your family is gathered around you, and the church is already decorated. Here are a few design tips to have a fantastic Christmas wedding with all the trimmings.

Red and green are natural colors for a Christmas wedding – It is likely that your church or reception site will already be decorated in red and green for other events and holiday parties. But don't feel limited to this palate. Other possibilities, which will work with existing decorations, include:
•silver and white
•silver and variations of blue
•burgundy, forest green, and gold
•cream and gold

You're Invited:

For Christmas wedding invitations you'll want to reflect the season and your theme, but you won't want it to look like a holiday card. Forgo a folded card, opting for the traditional thick white card, with a border and engraved or graphed text. You can highlight the Christmas wedding theme in the border with white snowflakes, an elegant holly trim, or a drawing of a poinsettia.
Since people make plans for the holidays early, and often have many parties and events to attend at this time of year, you'll want to send your invitations a little bit early – about 12 weeks before the event. You'll definitely want to consider "save the date" cards in addition to the invitations, which will ensure that those most important to you will be able to attend.

And The Bride Wore...

A Christmas wedding dress needn't be that different from any other kind. Wear the one that flatters you most, and top it off with a long red velvet cape. Or embrace the trend of color in wedding dresses by adding a beautiful red silk sash to the waist of your gown. You could also seek a dress with lots of sparkly beads and sequins to evoke the snowiness of the season. And of course, a faux-fur wrap and muff are always fun.

Bridesmaids Attire

VERY popular bridesmaid look for a Christmas wedding is long dresses with shrugs or capelets and a big faux-fur muff. But you can dress them in your wedding colors, give them long wraps or sparkly accessories, all of which will help evoke your theme

DesignScape

Since flowers can be more expensive at this time of year, think creatively. A mirrored platter with pillar candles and sprigs of holly is both elegant and romantic. Buy ornaments in bulk on-line, and create centerpieces of bowls or vases of ornaments. For a simple but elegant look, put pots of poinsettia with a ribbon trim in the center of each table.

Fake snow used to be tacky, but there are now very good products available. Set candles or small flower arrangements in the middle of snow. And for my favorite touch, use fake snow instead of an aisle runner. Or, you can always hire a snow-making machine to really make your Christmas wedding a winter wonderland.

Have Your Cake
Having each tier look like an individually wrapped package is a popular look that is perfect for a Christmas wedding. You might also do a take on a buche noel or yule log, with a tiered chocolate cake that has holly – either real or made of gum paste – cascading down the side. Use marzipan, an almond paste used in many holiday desserts, as a filling.